Just told Angie, fave bank teller (who once had a crush on me) about my big gay euro trip this summer. She squealed I WOULD NEVER HAVE GUESSED U WERE GAY! i snapped B!TCH PLEASE! she likes me even better now & offered me a hard candy. Mmm butterscotch!
I was looking 4ward 2 sleeping in 2day. A friend gave me her cat last night 2 watch 4 the weekend. Dang-nabbit if I wasnt JARRED awake @ 8am this morning from gnarly kitty poo stank. O great – now she gets 2 go back 2 sleep while I get to soak in it.
In bathroom @ work doing experiment on toilet. With pants at my ankles i wouldnt b able 2 touch anyones foot in stall next 2 me or reach in other stall with my hand for toilet paper as Senator Wide Stance claims. My findings are conclusive - HE LIES!
We have a new employee i dont know 2 well. She walked by my desk & asked how i was doing. I meant 2 tell her that i was hungry. Instead, i blurted out: I'M HORNY! We were both horrified and then we laughed it off nervously.
3 weeks ago gal @ work got box of Sprinkles (a designer cupcake shop in Bev Hills) from a secret admirer. 2day she said, OH HEY, IM DATING THAT SPRINKLES GUY. I said, DAMN BITCH, U GIVE IT UP 4 A CUPCAKE? She said, U CLEARLY HAVENT HAD THE RED VELVET ONE.
@ Target. Man with vibrating voice throat talking devise thingy (just told by my nurse friend that its called a CANCER KAZOO!) is yelling @ his woman. U havent lived til u have heard that thing vibrate a gutteral "FvCK YOU"!! In the electronics dept no less!
Just bought a Lotto ticket from thick accented asian lady who yelled at me, YOU WEENER YOU WEENER! Huh? Why does she want to see my weener? This aint no Mardi Gras! O, duh, im a little slow, she meant that she wishes me a WINNER!