I had a major LOS ANGELES MOMENT today. I was at a red light next to convertible with the top down. The driver was on the cars speakerphone loudly BREAKING UP WITH HIS BOYFRIEND! The bf was yelling & sobbing while guy in car was just checking his look in the mirror. TRULY SICKENING.
For Christmas at work we all got cool Flip video cams as our gift. I played some of the videos i shot recently for a coworker. She said, "WOW, THOSE CAMERA'S ARE PRETTY COOL! I PUT MINE AWAY AND HAVENT EVEN TOUCHED IT YET." I said, "OH NO BABY, YOU GOT TO WHIP IT OUT AND PLAY WITH IT."
I drive a classic 71 VW bug, its a family hierloom. A jaywalking girl ran for the bus and blocked my left turn making me wait another traffic light cycle. I yelled at her, "THATS NOT MUCH OF A CROSSWALK." She pointes to my car and yelled back, "AND THATS NOT MUCH OF A CAR."
My door was open & my neighbors 20 y/o friend poked his head in, "EXCUSE ME SIR, MIGHT YOU HAVE A PROPHYLACTIC I MAY PROCURE FROM YOU?" It was way to early for funky D&D speak - especially that damn SIR part! My silence and blank stare got him to retool his approach, "DUDE, CAN I GET A CONDOM?"
Overheard two girls on elevator at work. *girl 1: HE'S GONNA BE IN A LOT OF TROUBLE IF I DONT GET MY VALENTINE'S DAY GIFT TOMORROW... *girl 2: EVEN THO HE'S OUT OF TOWN? *girl 1: SHOOT, HE STILL HAS TIME TO FED EX IT TO ME. *girl 2: I DON'T NEED TO WORRY - MY MAN HAS THINGS HANDLED.
A jar of baby gherkins showed up in the fridge at work. A coworker asked me, "ARE YOU GONNA HAVE A LITTLE PICKLE?" I teased, "YOU KNOW I DONT DO LITTLE PICKLES." She put her hand over her mouth in faux embarrassment, "TE HE HE HE."
While watching the Super Bowl some random guy at the bar I was in tripped and fell flat on his face. Like a true alchie tho, he managed not to spill a single drop of his drink. I altered a football term a bit and yelled "FOWL PLAY! THERE'S A FAG DOWN ON THE FIELD!"
Went to a bar to watch the Super Bowl, well the commercials anyway! My friend Fernando showed up in an uncharacteristic shirt. He said "IT MAKES ME LOOK LIKE A LUMBERJACK!" i said "WELL YOU CERTAINLY AINT NO LUMBERJACK, YOU'RE MORE LIKE A LUMBER JILL!"