A year ago today I was released after a very long night spent in jail.
Why was I in jail you ask? Well I'll tell ya... For walking home drunk.
Yes, you read that right - walking home drunk.
The same exact walk I've been doing for at least a decade or more.
I left happy hour around 9PM and passed a pair of police officers.
They deduced that I was really drunk and asked me where I was going.
I told them I was going home. They told me to make sure that I do.
When I got to the corner I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in a long time.
We engaged in one of those whatcha-been-up-to conversations.
It lasted about 15-20 minutes. Then I crossed the street for home.
The next thing I know a cop car stopped me in the middle of the street!
It was the same two cops that told me to go home a bit earlier.
They were not happy that I had lied to them. (Even tho I hadn't.)
I said, "No. A friend stopped me. I am heading home, I swear."
They proceeded to handcuff me and put me in their car.
I pleaded, "Seriously, I live 3 blocks away. I was truly heading home."
One replied, "Well, now your heading to jail."
It was pointless to argue so I accepted it and there you have it.
I spent the night in jail. For walking home drunk. At 9PM.
It wasn't so bad. It was strange - but not so bad.
And I have nothing bad to say about the police officers either.
I mean, they could have just taken me home. But whatever.
Well, what I didn't realize is that I was really actually arrested.
I thought I was thrown in the drunk tank to sleep it off.
But no. I needed to appear in court. For walking home drunk.
When I appeared before the judge she said,
"This is such a waste of my time. I can't even fine you for this."
She told me to do 12 AA meetings and it would be dismissed.
I thanked her and she replied, "See you in 2 months."
A couple of weeks later I attended an AA meeting.
It was held in a bar. I kid you not.
A bar that had Jack Daniels displayed all over the place.
After the meeting I went to get my court paper signed...
The guy asked me, "Do you really want to be here?"
I said truthfully, "No."
As he signed he said, "Then forge the rest. They won't know."
I scrunched up my face so he explained, "We're anonymous."
I calculated his words and mumbled, "Oh. Yea."
So the night before my follow-up court appearance...
I took my AA sheet to happy hour and had all my friends sign it.
I may have even spilled a little Jager on it.
The next day I got off - for walking home drunk.