I've been to Amsterdam a number of times and I have never booked one of the excursions that take you out into the Holland countryside. Outside of the Anne Frank House and the Van Gogh Museum I never really thought of Amsterdam as, um, cultural. This time around I decided to book an all day trip with the Best of Holland Tours which included stops at two traditional Dutch fishing villages with a boat ride to connect the two, a visit to one of Holland's windmills and finally two factories - one for cheese and the other for wooden shoes. I boarded the bus and I asked the woman who was taking tickets, "Is there a restroom on board?" She barked, "No, you will sit and hold it." I said, "Um, ok." I sat next to the rear door where she was taking tickets and a couple came on and sat a few rows ahead of me. The woman taking tickets sniffed a couple of times and asked me, "Do you smell food?" I shrugged and she continued, "I am smelling food. For certain it is fish and chips now." She walked up the aisle and found the eaters and said, "Ah, it is you. Give that food to me. We will put it in the luggage hold and you can have it again at the first stop." They asked, "How long 'til the first stop?" She said, "Forty-five minutes." Yum, that should be nice and tasty. The last pair to board the bus were two young girls - I would later befriend them and find out that they were Canadian and touring Europe for two months as high school graduation gifts from their parents. They were very chatty and kind of loud, every sentence began, "Like, you know..." The bus took off and the woman taking tickets turned out to also be the tour guide, she began, "Hello, bon jour and buenos dias ladies and gentleman. My name is Hedde and I will be the one giving the explanation today." She paused and then continued, "And now this is French that I will speak." She had a weird way of whisper-talking into the microphone and on words that she wanted to emphasize she would whisper louder and elongate each sylabol. You should have heard her say the word DYKE when she was explaning the intricate water system in Holland, "And the water is held back by a huge DYYYYKE." The young girls would pay attention to the English presentation but when she switched to French and Spanish they would talk - too loud. I could tell that this disrespect was bothering Hedde and finally 5 minutes into the bus ride Hedde nipped things in the bud, "Ladies. Ladies. Stop the talk, please. We need quiet for the explanation. This bus is like a church - very quiet, except ME!" They stopped at once, mainly from embarassment - afterall they had been called-out over the PA system. I took out the notepad I always travel with and scribbled something down, ripped out the page and passed it to the two girls; they suppress giggles when they read the single word I had written to them: BUSTED!
(I should say that even though the initial Hedde experience was bad I warmed up to her once we got to the first stop. She was odd for sure but she turned out to be real kick - who wouldn't love a woman carrying a tulip tipped umbrella? She even told me her favorite joke, "Aren't you suprised that golfers don't wear two pairs of pants? You know, in case they get a 'hole in one.'" I bought her lunch.)
Here is a video I shot of the port in Marken. About half way through it you can hear me scold a 3 year-old who was trying to steal my seat!
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