My Weblog

Happy Birthday, Mom!

Today is my mother's birthday. I will not give away her age.

That just wouldn't be wise. What a good kid, huh?

I was thinking of something funny to share with you and I thought of this...

12 years ago I took my mom to see a local production of The Normal Heart.

A highly acclaimed play written in the mid-80's by Larry Kramer.

The work chronicles the first few years of the AIDS epidemic.

It was fantastic and we both enjoyed it tremendously.

One character in the play is a big queen and he was a way over-the-top.

After his first flaming scene my mother turned to me and said,

"Well he was a real Lulu."

I held my breath wondering how the gays around us might react.

It was an uncomfortable silence until everyone started to laugh.

In fact, we created a little delay in the show owing to the laughter.

Lulu. Ha! And I still use it to this day. Cuz I can.

Happy birthday, mom.

Even at the End

Today marks one year since my father died.

As I've said before my dad was one of the funniest people I ever knew.

This man constantly knocked 'em out of the park.

And he never ever let a pun go wanting - that was his specialty actually.

I would like to share with you the last joke I heard him mutter.

It was the day before he died.

***

My pop died of cancer but was suffering from later stages of Alzheimer's.

He was in tremendous pain but he couldn't ever remember why.

That afternoon he walked into the living room clutching his back.

He moaned and asked my stepmother, "Why am I in so much pain?"

My stepmother never lied to him and replied matter-of-factly,

"Honey, you have cancer."

He let it soak in & then said with a eye roll, "Ugh, I wish I hadn't asked."

Maybe not his funniest joke but I'll carry it with me as a great treasure.

The comic timing, the simple inflection, the pained facial expression.

He was a pure and generous funnyman. Even at the end.

 

For Martin Luther King, Jr. Day

A few years ago I went tho the National Civil Rights Museum on the actual Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.

It was very crowded as folks came to honor the man.

And it was a very special moment in time for me.

The wreath in the photo is the place where MLK was shot on the balcony at the Laraine Motel in Memphis.

I believe that a visit to this museum is a must at least once in your life.

Rat Him Out

I have been walking by a private K-8 school every day for a couple years.

Usually I am walking my dog past and the kids stop and say hi to her.

The other day was a bit different.

As we approached a group of 8 kids one of them grabbed his friend...

And pushed him into my little dog.

Well. I lost my mind. I yelled at this kid. And I used a some choice words.

When I got home I debated whether I should call the school & rat him out.

I decided that someone should be made aware of this violation.

20 minutes after I left a message the principal returned my call.

I told him the issue to which he was quite concerned.

I reiterated many times that these kids have always been cool.

But I also wanted a record of my call in case it happened again.

He said, "I can get his parents involved if you like."

He paused and suggested, "Would you like to come down and finger him?"

I blurted out with a fair bit of shock, "Excuuuuuuse me?"

He continued unfazed, "...from the yearbook."

Of course.

Must. Find. Dog.

As I've mentioned before I never remember my dreams. Not ever.

The other night I woke from a nightmare and wanted to remember it.

I got up and wrote it down so that I could share it with you.

So, here goes.

***

I was aware that I was tossing and turning furiously in my sleep.

I think I was trying to wake myself up.

You see, the nightmare wasn't scary it was sad. Really, really sad.

I couldn't find my dog. She was lost or stolen or died or something.

All I can recall is that she was just gone.

And I guess my body was trying to release me from this dream.

I mean, I needed to go find her, right? It was urgent. Vital, in fact.

Eventually I succeeded in waking up.

The sheets were jumbled and I was in a heart-racing panic.

Must. Find. Dog.

My dog always sleeps under the covers near my feet.

Once I calmed down I needed to make sure she was there.

So I kicked her. Not hard but enough to wake her. And bug her.

But I found her! And I was happy once again. So I went back to sleep.

The next night I noticed my dog slept more near my waist.

She's smart like that.

***

My little Girlfriend:

Just. In. Case.

Most of the people I have as friends on Facebook are of like mind.

Some are not and I do enjoy their differing opinions.

This latest round of gun control debates has recently blown up my page.

Full disclosure: I support the 2nd Amendment but...

Some of these guns nobody, and I mean NOBODY, needs.

Today a relative posted a photo of a gun overlaid with these words:

Welcome to my home.

That door you just knocked in was locked for your protection, not mine.

I found it amusing tho I'm not sure that was the intent.

It reminded me of something similar I had seen about 15 years ago.

I was on the bus seated across from a stereotypical grumpy old man.

He was proudly wearing a truckers hat (and a deep scowl) that read:

When they come for my guns they can have them -

BULLETS FIRST.

Again, I loved it. And again, for all the wrong reasons.

I've been around a long time and have never felt the need to own a gun.

But I will make a confession about the first few times I hooked-up online:

I hid several steak knives around my apartment for self-defense...

Just. In. Case.

Happy New Year!

13 is my favorite number so...

2013 is gonna be my be-otch. Trust.