Turning Japanese Or, Not at My Show!

Me. With the very funny actress and popular cabaret artist, Jackie Hoffman.

The most recent role you'd recognize her on would be The New Normal.

I met her at the stage door of her show Xanadu on Broadway in 2007.

But you could say I 'met' her about a year previously...

My friend Rosanne went to see her cabaret show in Hollywood.

Naturally I was early and started fiddling with my new cell phone.

And I ended up purchasing my first ring tone: Turning Japanese.

Like a good theater-goer before I exited my car I set my phone to vibrate.

When I met up with Rosanne I had to play her my new ring-tone.

Which meant turning the volume back on again.

We got a good laugh and then I put my phone in my pocket.

The show started and as Rosanne I were enjoying the performance...

My phone rang, "Turning Japanese, I think I'm turning Japanese..."

Ms. Hoffman was just getting to the punchline of a story and stopped,

"Nooooooooooooooooo! No fucking phones at my show!!!!"

She was pissed and started looking for the culprit in the audience.

As I fumbled for my phone she looked at Rosanne, "Is it yoooouuuu???????" 

I had a flip phone and the only way to stop it was to answer it.

I flipped it & everybody could hear the caller, "Bitch. Bitch are you there?"

Ms. Hoffman was not pleased, "These damn cell phones..."

I turned off the phone as Ms. Hoffman said, "I'll have to start that over."

She did but she had lost her momentum and the story kinda died.

Some of the audience shot me looks like they were gonna get all stabby.

I think we barely made it outta there with our lives.

I was going to tell her this story but you just know she holds grudges.

And a wicked sharp tongue.

Comments

[Rosanne]

You were sitting on the aisle seat with me in the seat next to you. It was so odd that she looked at everybody sitting in our row for the the culprit and stopped at me when you were right there with the phone in your hand. Later in the show, she revealed that she is blind in her right eye, so she simply couldn't see you on the aisle. That was the best part of the show for me!